Committment, Part Deaux

So, Regina brings up some important counter points to my committment blog from Tuesday.

And I've decided, in the interest of covering the topic thoroughly and fulfilling the assigned blogs, to turn this blog into a mini discussion.

Regina, you first:
"I know many women who have changed their hair, clothes, their physical sizes in extreme cases and worry constantly that he's interested in another women."
My response: Don't change superficial things about yourself for a guy -- I say this not because I'm worried about female self-image. I say this because guys don't care about the same things girls care about. Your clothes, hairstyle, finger nails, makeup and such -- as long as they do not fall into extremes -- have almost no bearing on our opinions of girls. We're pretty simple, really. Shower, take care of yourself in the most basic ways and smell good. That's about it. Most guys I know, in fact, prefer girls who do not go to great lengths trying to gussy themselves up. A sloppy pony tail and a sweatshirt will do on most occasions*. I'm telling you.

REGINA: "I have seen them excuse away truly unexcusable behavior from any human being, let alone the one who "loves" them."

This is why men become jerks: It's incredibly effective in getting women. Back when we were young -- I'm talking junior high, the underclasses in high school -- most guys assumed the way to get chicks was to shower them with compliments, hold doors for them, leave cute messages under their windshield wipers. Stuff like that. Well, that never, ever works**. All that does is make you "such a nice guy". And we all know where nice guys finish. It gets you in the "friend zone," which means she'll be dating a guy she cannot stand and calling you to complain about him, which is a form of ancient Chinese torture. But she sticks with him because she wants to change him in to you, who, of course, is somebody she would never go out with.

REGINA:
"And, for the record, there are some women out there who are willing to be themselves and accept the man for who he is, too. But, you cannot have any relationship without some give and take."

This reminds me of a former girlfriend# -- I'd give her, say, a back massage. She'd take away the TV, unplugging it in hopes that I'd think it was broken and stop watching football.
She was unsuccessful.

*This does not apply to Greeks. What happens among fraternities and sororities is a whole different world. These people are basically droids.
**I speak from experience, having employed both strategies.
# The smelly pirate hooker.

Homophobia

I'll just put this right out there. I don't like being around gay people. It makes me extremely uncomfortable.

And having said that, I have just identified myself as a "homophobe" which, if I'm reading the societal barometer correctly, is one of the worst things you can be, a notch below "capitalist" and a notch above "child molester."

I don't really care about all this. I find it ironic that the only thing that we don't tolerate in this country is an intolerance for certain behaviors, but now I'm getting off point.

What I don't like is the term "homophobe." It's not that I'm afraid of homosexuals. I don't fear that they'll sodomize me or something. I'm not scared of anything. I just don't like being around gay people, and I'm not going to apologize for that. And I shouldn't have to defend it. But telling someone that in a social setting often bounds you into a confrontational discussion which ends with you being painted as a bad person.

Calling someone a homophobe is too strong in most cases. It's inaccurate, implying some kind of sickness or mental disorder. And I'll stop now, before I write something really offensive.

Fearing Committment

Among my handful of fears -- snakes, snakes on a plane, "Snakes on a Plane," Hilary Clinton and ferrets -- is committment.

This is not uncommon. I am a man, which means that I have outward genitalia. It also means that entering committed relationships is completely terrifying to me.

Here's why: Every guy has seen one of his buddies meet a girl who seems really cool. She's upbeat, easy-going, and smiles a lot. Guys really like girls who smile a lot. And who laugh at our jokes. There is no quicker way to score points with a man than by thinking he is funny, or at least pretending to think so.

Anyway, the two start spending a lot of time together, after a tug of war and a barrage of insults hurled at the man from his buddies, Man and Woman enter something called a "relationship" which is an old Cherokee word meaning, "castration." It's as if the guy has lost a piece of his soul. The buddies will call to request his presence for certain manly rituals like going to football games or, perhaps, shooting cars with paintball guns. But the guy starts bringing his girlfriend along, which totally kills the vibe every time. I've covered this before, but guys are not the same people when girls are around.

Invariably, the girl starts finding little things she'd like to change about her boyfriend. He resists and, eventually, she's completely non-pleasable, complaining about everything thing he wants to do and accusing him of not caring about her, which at the core, is usually not true. He's just given her an inch, seen her take a mile and isn't going to give her the second inch.

So this is bothersome. And I'll leave it at that.