Baseball Fanatics

I'm hoping somebody out there -- assuming there are people out there -- can help me out here. I don't understand baseball fans. I don't understand their obsession with baseball. I don't get that some people like baseball, but not any other sport. I really don't totally get what people like so much about baseball.

And let's be straight here: I'm a sports guy. I watch sports all the time. I grew up playing. In fact, baseball was my favorite sport to play, though that was mainly because I was better at it than any other sport. The game has some charm. It has its slowly-unfolding drama and it has a lot of tradition. I understand why people like baseball.

But Baseball Fanatics take it way beyond that. Baseball Fanatics root for certain teams, sure. But more than that they root for baseball itself, they just love that someone, somewhere is playing baseball. That fact alone validates a Baseball Fanatic's entire worldview. Often, that is a Baseball Fanatic's worldview -- baseball exists. Baseball Fanatics don't really care about anything that doesn't directly relate to baseball. They didn't really know how Congress worked until the steroids hearings and couldn't imagine what Congressmen would talk about anyway.

It's terrifying.

Most sports fans have 1 or 2 teams we follow. We watch our teams play, keep up a cursory knowledge of out team's game -- its league, its rivals, the national scene. Take an average Kansas Fan. He can name all the players on KU's men's basketball team, can probably name the stars of the football team and could speak with respectable knowledge of college football and college basketball nationally. He also probably follows the Chiefs and may or may not know more about them than the KU football team. And there's a good chance he enjoys Major League Baseball to the degree that he watches the Royals when he's not busy, and has an opinion on Manny Ramirez. He's similarly versed in the NBA, and likes the teams that feature former KU athletes.

Baseball Fanatic isn't like this. Baseball Fanatic learns about sports other than baseball only so he can fluidly divert non-baseball conversations into basball conversations. Baseball Fanatic has read a whole bunch of immensely breathy and immensely analytical books about baseball and is pretty sure he has a baseball book of his own in him. Baseball Fanatic uses his fandom as a primary means of identification, thinking that doing so will keep him from associating with those who are different from him. Crazy thing is, he's right. As long as you hang out with Baseball Fanatics, you'll never discuss anything of substance, unless the designated hitter rule qualifies.