Hello, my name is Shithead. I hate my parents.

I'm not kidding. I mean, MY name isn't Shithead. My name is Tully, which may or may not be more bizarre than being named Shithead. But I just finished reading Freakonomics, a book in which an economist studies all manner of cultural things from a statistical, economical perspective.
I'm not going to give you a book review here (in short: pretty eye-opening data combined with middling writing), but I had to bring this up.

One of the things this guy studied was whether having a very black-sounding name has an effect on life success (his conclusion: people with black-sounding names are less successful than those without, but the names are merely a symptom of the reasons this is true, rather than the cause). In his research, he came across a little black girl named Shithead, pronouced shuh-TEED.

What name could possibly be worse than Shithead? Would Assclown be worse? Dumbbitch? I just don't know how you top that.

The more I type Shithead, the more preposterous it seems. Can you imagine the first day of every class that girl ever goes to?
"Ricky ... "
"Here."
"Rachel ..."
"Here."
"Shi ... um, is it ... Shhhhhhhhiiii ... I don't want to mess this up ... "
"It's Shuh-TEED"
"Ok (whiping brow in relief)."

If I was Shithead, I would make the guy say it every time. No way I'm bailing anybody out on that one.

And how soon after your 18th birthday are you at the courthouse changing that puppy? Do you camp outside the doorstep the night before? Do you have a celebratory bonfire to burn all recollections of Shithead?

Boggles the mind.